My father was diagnosed with cancer five years ago. As his condition inevitably worsened in his last months, it was clear that although I wasn’t able to be the primary caregiver, I nevertheless needed to be a caregiver to a caregiver – my mother.  As an elderly spouse taking care of her husband, she needed support herself. While it wasn’t easy taking the train back and forth between Montreal and Ottawa on a regular basis, and balancing the needs of work and family, I was grateful to be able to be involved and provide some relief for both of my parents during this difficult time. Even though my absence from home did add some stress to my immediate family, they recognized that the time spent away from them was important, meaningful and necessary.

There was no question about taking time off of work. When my dad’s health was in a steep decline during his final months, taking time off work with long weekends allowed me to spend the time I needed in Montreal. My employer was extremely understanding and supportive throughout this time, giving me the flexibility that I needed. When dad’s situation deteriorated even further, I needed more than just long weekends—I needed a few weeks off. Looking back, knowing how much time I would need helped my employer plan accordingly for my absence.

While I accessed few supports myself, having an employee assistance program, a work culture which promoted flexibility and understanding, and the support of my family all helped me cope with illness and the eventual the loss of my dad – all while supporting my aging mother. Having provided me the strength to support my parents, my wife supported me beyond words, while maintaining the household, working and caring for our children.

I am lucky enough to have an employer that not only was able to provide support in terms of paid or unpaid leave, but also understanding and empathy. I needed that support from my employer and I’m glad that I had it. I feel that more employers should strive to accommodate staff as intermittent caregivers for several reasons, not just worker retention. Being able to overcome personal challenges with the assistance of my employer helped me build both personal resilience and a long-term loyalty as an employee.