At the time of my husband’s cancer diagnosis, I had just accepted a promotion into a very intense and demanding job. We’re in our late 40s with two teenage daughters, and had very busy, full lives. The diagnosis was definitely a shock, and at this stage in our lives, I never expected to become a full-time carer to my partner.

Once diagnosed, Noel faced an intensive six-week treatment program. We decided that I would take that time off work to be with him, as it simply wouldn’t be possible to balance the demands of my job and the impact of this on all of us. My boss and colleagues were very supportive and encouraged me to take all the time I needed. Fortunately, as federal government employees, both my husband and I had benefits that allowed us to do so, without financial burden. Since it was summer, our daughters were able to go and spend time with family out of town, so I could really focus on Noel and his treatment and recovery. This meant driving to daily appointments, preparing meals (adapted to his dietary restrictions) and providing emotional and practical support, over a period of about two months.

The most difficult part of my caregiving role came after the treatment. The kids returned home and went back to school, and I went back to work full-time, where the pace was just as busy as before. However, the pace and balance of our home life hadn’t yet returned to normal. While Noel had a positive bounce immediately following the treatment, by early fall, his recovery seemed to plateau, as he struggled with the effects of significant weight loss, decreased muscle mass, and hearing and mobility issues, all related to the treatment. While previously, we had a very equal distribution of household tasks, I know he was frustrated that he couldn’t contribute in the way he used to, and I was simply exhausted.

Working from home certainly helped balance work, family and caregiving. Both at home and at work, I had to delegate more, lean on others where possible and find a way to either say no or simply let go of things. It was a stressful time for all of us, because at that point we didn’t know if the cancer was gone, and the COVID-19 pandemic still loomed large. Fortunately, we had access to very good mental health supports during this time, both individually and as a family, and I think that really helped us to be gentle with ourselves and one another, and adjust our expectations of what we could realistically accomplish.

Now, we have a routine. Our kids are more independent and we have a circle of friends who help when we need it, and Noel is stronger, and most importantly, cancer-free. I’m also surprised and grateful that my caregiving experience has been an example for others. Shortly after I returned to work, a younger colleague reached out and thanked me for “showing leadership” in prioritizing my family and being so open and honest about it. As a result, she had decided to take time off to care for her aging parents as they dealt with similar health issues. People need to see caregiving in action and know that it’s okay to take the time you need to find balance and prioritize the things that really matter. As challenging as the last year has been, we are stronger for it, and are incredibly touched and humbled by all the support we’ve received.