My caregiving story begins when I was a teen, and my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. This disease didn’t immediately impact his quality of life that much, but it foreshadowed what was to come as we all age.

In the early years of his disease, he leaned on me, my siblings, and my mom in various different ways, asking of us what he felt we were most able to do for him.  That balance was thrown off when my mom was unexpectedly diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. I was just about to write my final exams in my first term of law school when I got a call from my parents about her diagnosis.  A year later, after my first day of work as a summer student in a law firm, I got another call – this time to tell me that she was terminal, that I needed to come home and support the two of them. Through that summer, I worked with my siblings and my mom’s friends to try and balance work and caregiving for her. It was a confusing time because as much as my mom needed me at home, she also wanted to see me succeed in my career, to know that my life was on track.

By the time we lost my mother, my father had also gotten a lot sicker and so I was faced with the loss of a parent in my mid-twenties and an ailing parent who would only continue to decline.  Through those early years after her death, we took turns moving home to look after him.  He lived in Montreal but, at one point, had experimental surgery in Toronto, which had some complex, unintended repercussions. He was discharged into our care with little information and no support, a situation made worse because we had to deal with two different health care systems.

My dad’s care needs became more complex as his disease progressed to include some cognitive decline. At the same time, our careers were taking off and we began having children of our own.  It was increasingly challenging for us to provide my father with the care he needed. I never realized how difficult it would be to find a paid caregiver. We were very lucky to have had the means to do so, but still struggled to find someone who would be able to support his needs.

The shift from sheltered teen to “grown-up” caregiver and decision-maker for my parents in my early twenties seemed very sudden at the time. I am very thankful that I had a brother and sister to help shoulder the burden.  Nevertheless, we often felt overwhelmed by the complex nature of the things we needed to decide and manage – and very alone in doing so. Our lives through those years were heavily defined by what my father needed. Vacation days were always saved, for instance, to accommodate doctor appointments or other health emergencies.

It was hard to find the balance between supporting a loved one, putting in time at work and caring for young children. While it might have been an option to work part-time, I didn’t want to fall behind in my career – and my father didn’t want that either. He was proud of us and it made him happy to see us succeed.

My father passed away a few years ago, and my children are now teens themselves. I have a good life – albeit one shaped by the need to maintain that complex balance over many years. Increasingly, there are supports for short-term caregiving needs, especially at the end of life, but the challenges associated with longer-term needs are still very real.  I was extremely lucky, and able to draw on additional financial and social supports, to make a balanced life possible.  But without those supports, my story would be very different.